www.indyjazz.org > Education Resources > Articles > Morty Lost the Gig

Mort Enob, his friends called him Morty, was a fantastic trombone player. He could scream like Skip Layton, play low notes like George Roberts, and solo like Frank Rosolino. Many musicians considered Morty to be the world's greatest trombone player. Why haven't you heard about Morty? Well, Morty does not play anymore. He lost the gig. These are my experiences with Morty. March 26, 1988, Dance Band Gig. It is 7:58 p.m. and the gig starts at 8:00 p.m. Morty arrives at the gig. He walks through the crowd and hits several people in the head with his gig bag while making his way to the stage. Luckily, for the audience, he does not have his mute bag. While he does have a nice new tuxedo, his shirt is unbuttoned to his navel and he is carrying his jacket. Morty played lead trombone throughout his seven years of college. He is playing third trombone on this job. He does not like playing third. He takes many parts up an octave and plays louder than the rest of the section. He also adds flips, shakes, and excessive vibrato. During one song, he answers his cell phone, which loudly plays Wagner's Ride of the Walküre. Luckily for Morty, it is a call for another gig because Morty will not play with this group again. Morty lost the gig. March 29, 1988, Recording Session. Morty arrives on time but not by much. Since he didn't bring his mutes, he has to borrow one. He doesn't have a pencil so he can't mark the last minute changes to the music. This causes him to make several mistakes during the recording. He doesn't like the tone the trombone section is using so he doesn't blend very well. While recording the last song, Morty's watch alarm goes off to tell him that it is 3:00, time for the session to end. Luckily, it is time for him to leave because he won't be back. Morty lost the gig. June 25, 1988, Wedding Reception. Morty arrives on time again although he had to skip dinner. "Why eat dinner at home when there is plenty of food at the reception?" He is dressed appropriately but he left his bow tie at home. He can't wait for the first set to end &ldots; he is hungry. The set ends and Morty is the first band member in the serving line. As a matter of fact, he is the only band member in line. The band has not been invited to eat. After he loads his plate, he looks for a seat. Finding none, he takes his food back to the bandstand. Music stands make good tables in a pinch. In his hurry to finish his food and get his dessert, he drops a couple of meatballs on his shirt. Since he doesn't have time to finish his dessert before break ends, he puts it under his stand so that he can finish it during on of the numerous saxophone solos. It is lucky that he had his dessert because he won't be back. Morty lost the gig. April 7, 1990, Rock Band Gig. Morty has been told to wear black to this gig, so he wears a black T-shirt and blue jeans. Morty hates rock music and lets everyone know it. He rarely looks up, preferring to cross his arms, look at the floor, and frown during the guitar solos. While talking to the other horn players during the breaks, he explains that guitar players aren't really musicians because they do not read music. Each of his solos is an exquisite study in bebop trombone playing. "Rock and Roll isn't real music." Luckily, Morty didn't like this gig because he won't be back. Morty lost the gig. September 2, 1995, Jazz Band Concert. This is the last time that I saw Morty. He arrives about fifteen minutes before the gig starts. From a distance, I can tell that it is him because of the two meatball stains on his shirt. He opens his case, gets out his tuxedo jacket and puts his horn together. Morty has plenty of time to warm up on stage. He sounds great, especially the double-high Cs and those great Rosolino licks but he should not warm up on stage. He is one of those people who sound great even though they don't practice. We have a set list for this gig but Morty doesn't pull out his music until it is time to play. He misses many downbeats. Since he is tired from working the previous night, deliveries are made until 1 a.m. on Fridays, he goes home as soon as he gets his check. He does not re-file his music or help pack up the band. Morty won't need to learn how to put these stands away because he won't be back. Morty lost the gig. While Morty was a fantastic trombone player, he lacked other skills, especially common sense and courtesy. He also needs to remember other musicians are his brothers, the band leader is the boss, and the audience is the customer. Over the years, I have lost track of Morty. Please let me know if you have had any experiences with Morty. My email address is at the top of this article.   Update, July, 2003: While on vacation, I happened to see Morty going into a theater with his horn. I guess he found a gig. I managed to snap this picture. Please let me know if you see Morty.